Wearing My Heart on My Sleeve

Today is another anniversary of sorts in my life. The Sunday that we turn the clock back to end Daylight Savings Time marks the day that my now ex-husband stood me up for our first date. I remember it because when I got tired of waiting for him, my roommate and I decided to leave the house to go get donuts to eat while we sat and watched football on a sunny afternoon in Michigan. When we turned on the radio to tune in the football game on the way home and discovered that it wasn't playing, we realized that we had completely forgotten about the time change and hadn't set the clocks back. If he HAD come to the house, I wouldn't have been there. Oops! As it turns out, he had been called out of town on a job and sent a friend of his into the bar where I worked with his apologies later that week. Needless to say, we DID still manage to go out on a first date at some point thereafter and ended up married for 17 years. Despite the fact that the marriage ended some time ago, it remains a day that I always remember for that "botched" first date.

So, this morning in remembering the events of this day many, many years ago I decided my daily "November gratitude" status update on Facebook would be a reflection on that relationship. In my post I remarked that the 17-year marriage wasn't a bad run and we ended up with a pretty awesome kid out of it. I noted my gratitude that I still have an amicable relationship with my ex-husband and we can work together for our son's best interest. I know so many people who are not that fortunate, so this is something for which I am very thankful. Expressing those thoughts today seemed appropriate. This post was a departure for me, however, as I generally choose not to discuss my personal relationships in any kind of detail on Facebook. I also never post anything about my ex-husband.

When I decided to share this more personal than usual status update, doubt niggled in the back of my brain. Recently I received a message from a Facebook friend who doesn't know me very well suggesting that I "shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve on Facebook." I was amused at the time, because while I am quite free with sharing my thoughts and emotions, it's generally done in a vague matter and I don't really post any sort of details about personal relationships in my life, other than the one I have with my son. But I am a writer. I enjoy expressing myself and I record my reflections and feelings, whether I have an audience or not. I am open about my emotions, no doubt, and always willing to express my opinions, for better or worse.You can learn much about my views on life, relationships, and parenting, among other things, but the only details you'll get are those which I share to choose. Nonetheless that advice not to "wear my heart on my sleeve" stuck with me and I wondered today if perhaps I was going too far, sharing too much.

I have received my answer. More than 60 people "liked" or commented on my post and others sent me private messages praising me for sharing my story this morning or saying that my words inspired them. They have shared their own stories with me in turn and tell me that they have gained something from my perspective. People tell me that they feel like they "know me" when I allow them these glimpses into my world . . . into my brain. They feel "connected." I welcome that.

I truly like my friends, however I come by them. If you interact with me virtually, I enjoy meeting you in real life to continue the conversation and develop that relationship. We live in a world where technology allows us to communicate with each other instantly. Phone calls, texting and social media keep us connected even when face-to-face interaction isn't possible. With all of these options available, a free flow of honest communication shouldn't be hard to come by, but it seems rare enough that people are surprised by my candid nature. That saddens me. We should be using this media to strengthen our relationships or to connect with a wider range of people, not to replace "real" communication with superficial and meaningless noise.

If posts that delve into my emotions, openly express my thoughts, or offer a little insight into my life are considered "wearing my heart on my sleeve," then sew mine on tight because that's where I plan to keep it. I encourage others to do the same. It's amazing what wonderful relationships can develop when you aren't afraid to let people see who you really are.